1. |
Hennepin Ave
04:43
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I was never good at being happy.
I was never one to take the time,
To sit and remind myself that I’m
Still growing enough,
That I’m still growing up,
That I’ve got a lot to do to feel alright.
I used to try so hard at writing,
I used to take my time with it.
Not let myself get too complacent,
But lately it seems like I just couldn’t give a shit.
All the words and chords come out wrong
But I’m still here doing nothing about it.
But I’m still here always complaining about it.
Getting down on myself
For the reactions I assume that you’ll have,
Putting words in your mouth,
Before they ever come out
I’m just jumping to conclusions,
Like off a bridge over the Mississippi.
I was never good at standing up
For myself
I was always one to walk away
I was never good at fixing plot holes,
I was always one to cross out names
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2. |
Sick Of You
03:38
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Seven hours till the next stop.
This gas station pizza
Tastes a lot like an overdraft fee,
Another night of no sleep,
And anxiety from caffeine.
And I’m already just as
Sick of you,
As you are of me.
We’ve only been in the car
Since quarter past three.
And I know that when I wake up
It’s your face I’m gonna see.
The road’s so lonely and cold
Even with you in the front seat.
This argument’s getting old.
Why the fuck are you bickering now.
And I don’t think you’ve ever been told.
I don’t think you even have to ask me.
To hold your breath when you’re feeling bold.
I won’t take sides if you’re asking.
I can’t deny that I’ve been missing home.
I can only keep it together for so long.
We’ve been yelling more than just the lyrics
To our songs.
And we’re always mad about
Fucking up the same parts.
And I’ve been trying so hard to hold my tongue.
I’ve been trying so hard to not act like I’m done.
It’s been a long night.
But we’ve been alright.
Holding it together for now
And tell our stupid jokes
And have another smoke,
Cause we’re going home.
Even though it’s the loneliest place.
Spend the night listening to Alistair Hennessey,
We’ll remember these
Nights with reverie.
I never liked the sound
Of car windows open at three a.m.
But here we are,
The radio blared as loud as it can go.
So we can get home safe.
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3. |
Change Your Mind
04:56
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It’s like I can’t get out of bed
After twenty years of early mornings.
The feeling sinks in
With the weight of regret.
It’s like my habits are dead and dying.
Leaving me behind
As I become a different person.
This metamorphosis is prophecy,
I saw it in the cards;
The woman by the sea.
And the person I was
Laid eyes on the person I could be.
And is this where I should put the chorus?
One the bards would surely sing for us?
Would repetition give you a clue
As to all of the changes
My mind’s gone through?
Would a melody change your mind
If you heard it sung a thousand times?
If all these meters rhymes and cues
Could give someone a better clue
I’d sing them all to you.
But it’s like I’m tongue tied.
It’s like I’m tongue tied up.
Trying to tell you all the things that I hide.
My courage fades
And I turn away.
Turn the tides
Pull back inside.
Where the new version of myself resides.
I see her eyes look into mine.
In my dreams she’s alive.
With confidence in stride,
But a sneer,
A slight,
Noticing features that she’s trying to hide
Pushes her back
Inside with tears in my eyes.
And yes.
I think I’ll use a chorus.
One the bards would surely
Sing for us.
Would repetition give you a clue
As to all of the changes
My mind’s gone through.
I hope a melody can change your mind.
If you hear it sung a thousand times.
I hope these meters
Rhymes and cues
Can give someone a better clue.
I’ll sing them all to you.
It’s like I’m standing on the edge.
With water below.
And I forgot how to swim.
Knowing if I jump
And breathe in slow
It’ll feel like I’ve been born again.
I might just feel alive again.
But I forgot how to swim.
(Words like anchors
Bring me down.
Without a sound,
They’ll surely drown me.
Hate like water fills my lungs,
No air to breathe
No voice to shout)
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4. |
Blacksheep
03:39
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I don’t think that I’ll miss anyone.
Killing a part of myself
And all I miss is
The setting sun
Filling the sky on memories of when I was someone
Who used to run from shame and pain,
Confusion,
And a part of me
I thought would only
Get me shunned.
My home is where I don’t have to answer
Your questions.
My home is where you understand
That you don’t have to
Get it.
Defiantly I’d bloom.
My thorns denying me a part
In being added to the vase;
A special case.
A beauty left in place.
Alone I found my ground.
Alone, I never really found
A spot on the family tree.
Left alone I found my chance.
Left alone
I turned my sorrows into dance,
A soulful hymn of adolescence.
Screaming out to find the balance.
Now the frame around my rearview
Holds a picture-perfect scene
Of love and pain and loss of life.
With every bitter memory
I’ll watch the trees shrink.
Bend by bend.
The road stretched out;
Never ends.
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5. |
Absent-minded
01:31
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6. |
Just For The Thrill
03:06
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It sets in;
A flash of heat,
My burning feet.
And I run
To the sink
Before I faint.
This is the third time this week.
And I feel so close to death
With all my hopes and regrets
Laid out one by one.
And I’m getting tired of this.
Uncertainty when I hit.
It’s like a flash,
A spark,
Shot in the dark.
I only see stars.
It happens over and over again
You’d think I’d take the hint,
You’d think I’d be better for it.
But,
It’s like I’m sinking under water
With my feet on the ground.
It’s like I’m choking on nothing
But I can’t make a sound.
It’s like a rush I don’t think will ever end.
My heart is racing and it’s only just begun.
I’m taking steps.
I’m learning to better myself.
Instead of hurting just for the thrill.
I never felt so full.
I never felt so capable.
I always felt so miserable.
And I’d never make the call.
Because.
(Only just begun.
It’s only just begun)
I feel alive,
When I close my eyes
Just to pass time.
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7. |
Clueless
03:13
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These days I’ve been feeling fine.
But I know it’s just a matter of time
Before I’m lying on my bed
Staring at the ceiling.
So I just count the days,
When I still feel okay.
It’s just I know it
Can all come back.
I’ve got no clue what I’m doing here.
I don’t know where I am.
All these things I’m blowing off
Are adding up.
Like the days spent far from home
Like the hours spent alone.
Like the nights waiting for someone
To take me along.
Take me far from here.
Everything’s not so serious.
Take a breath.
Take a break.
Let another mistake pile up.
Add it to the list of things
I need to get done.
Like the days I spent so far from home.
Like the days I felt so all alone.
Like the nights where I could find someone
Better off.
Like those nights I drove myself
Down highway sixty-one.
Like the years I wasted on the run
From all my fears of growing up someone
Unworthy of love.
I spent years convincing myself
Of my own self-worth.
But I never believed in anything.
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8. |
Sirens
05:04
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The hands on the clock keep turning.
I’m learning to associate each tick
With the burning in my gut,
As I sit in the waiting room.
With the smell of decay
That bleach just can’t wash away.
No it can’t wash away.
They called nine-one-one.
They said the found you
Unconscious and unresponsive.
The pills you took have haunted
Me for so long.
Now I’m empty as a desert in the sun;
No comfort, no hospitality.
No questions,
Means no answers.
No chances left to ask you how you feel today,
Or will you be okay?
They had an open casket,
So I could see your face.
An ornate flower basket
Laid at your feet.
It was autumn,
The leaves were falling,
I’ll always remember
The sunset on your grave.
But now I’m filling the hole you left
With useless objects I collect.
I never planned for you not to be here
When we were younger
And planted a seed where it could grow.
I’m just so used to the sirens outside
That I never stopped to question
Just where they were going,
Or why they were there
In the first place.
I just never noticed.
(Yeag, I never noticed)
The bags under your eyes,
The distress in your voice.
You weren’t fine.
And the days we had are dead and gone,
And I never got to say
That I love you just the same.
Drifting further away.
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9. |
Up To Here
03:48
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Dancing around my head;
These thoughts have no end.
Just like a record I’m meant to be spun
And scratched
Til’ my repetition puts me through the window.
But this disposition too shall pass,
Even if I still invalidate myself
On the daily.
I’ve just had it up to here.
With the antagonist in my mind,
Their words hang in rhyme
And I think I’ve got the time.
Yeah I’m getting in line
For the acceptance you find
Every day just for feeling aligned.
And I’ve had it up to here.
This is,
A feeling I can’t begin to convey so
I’m just letting it go softly.
And I’m not sure of all this judgment
In my head.
I need to sleep instead of think
When I’m in bed.
(When I’m in bed)
Is it all just a means to an end?
I just keep fumbling over and over again.
And I don’t think I can stand on my own two feet.
Would somebody take the lead?
(Do you believe)
Would you believe I’m uncomfortable?
(I’m not supposed to look like this)
Cause I’ve been conditioned to think
That I’m not supposed to look like this.
And would it even be worth my time
To tell myself not to keep changing my mind
Because I can’t seem to decide
How I should look on the daily?
And frankly,
I’ve had it up to here,
And I’ve had enough this year.
Round after round I just keep going down.
Round after round
I’m just waiting for the bell to sound.
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10. |
Gray Afternoon
02:37
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Gray afternoon,
The clouds have come in,
And I haven’t left my apartment all day.
Gray afternoon,
My serotonin’s fading,
And the last of the weed is gone.
Gray afternoon,
Coming down
And strungout.
I feel like Hunter Thompson,
But my fear is now,
And my loathing comes soon.
You’re my only friend;
Gray afternoon.
Somebody’s smoking cigarettes
By the building
Outside.
The smell is drifting up.
I try and try but I can’t hide.
No, the incense is burning,
But my mood isn’t turning around.
Would you look how I do?
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11. |
Deaf Ears
05:10
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It was raining so hard as we walked to the car.
The temperature fell every hour.
You told me that you’re fine,
You just needed some time,
And I don’t think that I helped as I lied,
And said maybe this is just
A passing of the seasons.
Maybe this is just a cycle,
It’s repeated.
And I know that I’m not what you needed.
But I promise you,
I’ll always be there
If you feel it.
It’s a hard pill to swallow,
But some things just don’t work out.
It’s a tough act to follow,
Once we’re born we know it won’t last.
We anticipate regret,
(We know we can’t run forever)
But that doesn’t make it any better.
I wish I knew what to say.
I wish I knew how to tell you it’s okay
To feel the anger you feel.
I wish I knew the words to ease your mind.
I wish it wasn’t so hard
For me to find the time.
But this gap is growing wider.
The grass is growing higher.
I know your only desire is to turn back time.
Months will fade into years.
You’ll accept that you’re here.
You’ll move along with the tears.
I promise it gets better
With time.
And I swear this isn’t easier for me.
And I know that you just wanted to be
In love.
Look at the life you built.
You just wanted a family,
Now I think you start to see
That life just throws us in the dirt,
I swear to god we ask for it to hurt.
And I haven’t been alive very long,
But I know the truth to every song
That you sang to each other.
Even though they fell on deaf ears.
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Vermillion Heights Minneapolis, Minnesota
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